Pamela.
That’s the name of another girl that has broken my heart.
She’s a beautiful kindergartner I met Monday at the Douglas children’s home. Through another series of *cough* random (i.e., God) events, I was able to connect with a group of Americans who go weekly to a childrens home to feed them lunch. I hesitated at first, because it didn’t seem like enough. Their plan was explained to me by someone at met at church: they go there once a week and feed the kindergartners lunch. Then they go home. They are only there about an hour. After hearing this plan I hesitated. It didn’t seem like enough. Then I remembered this poem. Also, after one of the ladies explained to me that the kids aren’t starving, but are barely getting enough food to get by; and aren’t really getting much fruit. And after seeing all the smiling faces and hugs the kids had for these ladies, I am sure they are making a difference.
Anyways, let’s get back to Pamela. Stephanie and she were the first two kids to notice there was a new American in the crew this week. They looked to the women to make sure it was ok, and once they figured out I was with them, and spoke Spanish and everything; it was like the happiest day of their lives. Stephanie grabbed my face and carefully studied my eyes. She then told me they were very blue and very pretty. I told her thank you and hers were brown and even prettier. She smiled from ear to ear. At one point I was playing with 5 or 6 of them, and 5 more were screaming my name to play with them too. I don’t know who had more fun, them or me! I don’t know if it was because they don’t get much interaction with positive male role models, or they just really wanted to attention and to be loved. Either way, I was loving on them as best I could. But then came time to leave. Other than the sweat on my brow, it felt like I had just gotten there. But we (me and the kids) clearly weren’t ready to go. Pamela latched on to my neck with all the strength a 5 year old girl can muster. It was a hug I won’t soon forget. Now, I don’t yet know her story, but I couldn’t help but want to take her home. I would have done (and will do) anything for this little girl to know Jesus and be happy. The rest of the afternoon I was in a daze as different thoughts and analogies rolled through my mind. I thought of how Jesus loved the little children. I thought of how we should love Christ and cling to him with all the strength we can muster. I thought of how much of a difference a little love can make in a persons life. I thought of that starfish poem again. And then, I tried to escape it all and go see a movie to get my mind off it. It didn’t work. I cried in the theater. Yes, I am man enough to admit it. I cried like a little girl. Even as I write this today, I am a little choked up. I don’t know why I am sharing this with you, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I don’t know what I am going to do next. Currently I am working out some ideas, of how I can serve there more or at the other orphanage I volunteer at on occasion. I am praying for God to work out the details of what I can do. At present there are several things I need to consider before jumping onboard with one or both of these orphanages. First, they both are located quite far away. It requires an expensive cab ride, or nearly 2 hours in a bus and a mediocre cab ride. I also don’t want to let this interfere with my current obligations in the church.
I don’t know what else to say. But that’s what’s on my heart right now.

p.s. i just found this link to their website its worth a look.

a special thanks to my friend Michelle who posted this poem on her blog

THE STARFISH POEM

Once upon a time there was a wise man
who used to go to the ocean
to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking
on the beach
before he began his work.
One day he was walking along
the shore.
As he looked down the beach,
he saw a human
figure moving like a dancer.
He smiled to himself to think
of someone who would
dance to the day.
So he began to walk faster
to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw
that it was a young man
and the young man wasn’t dancing,
but instead he was reaching
down to the shore,
picking up something
and very gently throwing it
into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out,
“Good morning! What are you doing?”
The young man paused,
looked up and replied,
“Throwing starfish in the ocean.”
“I guess I should have asked,
why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?”
“The sun is up and the tide is going out.
And if I don’t throw them in they’ll die.”
“But, young man, don’t you realize that
there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it.
“You can’t possibly make a difference!”
The young man listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish
and threw it into the sea,
past the breaking waves and said-
“It made a difference for that one.”