Pamela.
That’s the name of another girl that has broken my heart.
She’s a beautiful kindergartner I met Monday at the Douglas children’s home. Through another series of *cough* random (i.e., God) events, I was able to connect with a group of Americans who go weekly to a childrens home to feed them lunch. I hesitated at first, because it didn’t seem like enough. Their plan was explained to me by someone at met at church: they go there once a week and feed the kindergartners lunch. Then they go home. They are only there about an hour. After hearing this plan I hesitated. It didn’t seem like enough. Then I remembered this poem. Also, after one of the ladies explained to me that the kids aren’t starving, but are barely getting enough food to get by; and aren’t really getting much fruit. And after seeing all the smiling faces and hugs the kids had for these ladies, I am sure they are making a difference.
Anyways, let’s get back to Pamela. Stephanie and she were the first two kids to notice there was a new American in the crew this week. They looked to the women to make sure it was ok, and once they figured out I was with them, and spoke Spanish and everything; it was like the happiest day of their lives. Stephanie grabbed my face and carefully studied my eyes. She then told me they were very blue and very pretty. I told her thank you and hers were brown and even prettier. She smiled from ear to ear. At one point I was playing with 5 or 6 of them, and 5 more were screaming my name to play with them too. I don’t know who had more fun, them or me! I don’t know if it was because they don’t get much interaction with positive male role models, or they just really wanted to attention and to be loved. Either way, I was loving on them as best I could. But then came time to leave. Other than the sweat on my brow, it felt like I had just gotten there. But we (me and the kids) clearly weren’t ready to go. Pamela latched on to my neck with all the strength a 5 year old girl can muster. It was a hug I won’t soon forget. Now, I don’t yet know her story, but I couldn’t help but want to take her home. I would have done (and will do) anything for this little girl to know Jesus and be happy. The rest of the afternoon I was in a daze as different thoughts and analogies rolled through my mind. I thought of how Jesus loved the little children. I thought of how we should love Christ and cling to him with all the strength we can muster. I thought of how much of a difference a little love can make in a persons life. I thought of that starfish poem again. And then, I tried to escape it all and go see a movie to get my mind off it. It didn’t work. I cried in the theater. Yes, I am man enough to admit it. I cried like a little girl. Even as I write this today, I am a little choked up. I don’t know why I am sharing this with you, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I don’t know what I am going to do next. Currently I am working out some ideas, of how I can serve there more or at the other orphanage I volunteer at on occasion. I am praying for God to work out the details of what I can do. At present there are several things I need to consider before jumping onboard with one or both of these orphanages. First, they both are located quite far away. It requires an expensive cab ride, or nearly 2 hours in a bus and a mediocre cab ride. I also don’t want to let this interfere with my current obligations in the church.
I don’t know what else to say. But that’s what’s on my heart right now.

p.s. i just found this link to their website its worth a look.