I’ve been doing a lot of introspective thinking lately. Thinking about the future. Thinking about what sort of gift set I have been given. Thinking about how I can best honor and glorify God with whatever purpose He has specifically given me.
I tried to imagine what my life might look like in several different scenarios; and general pros and cons of each. But God still holds the trump card of telling me I need to obey and which path to follow.
It was really hard to try and imagine my future without Gente Unida Ministries. It has been nearly impossible to imagine my future without seeing a lot of Mexicans, and a lot of the poor, needy, abused, neglected and rejected. I need to be on the front lines, I need to be in the middle of it to feel like I am really serving. Whether that is in the USA or Mexico, there is always a ghetto. There are always people who have been rejected, overlooked, who have been burned by “Christians”, or who have slipped through the cracks. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I feel the most alive, the most passionate. That’s where I feel like I am really fulfilling Gods intentions for my life.
It was also hard to set aside some of my personal desires (i.e., seminary, start a family, etc) to keep an objective look at where God wants me. But I also know God wants to grant me the desires of my heart; I just need to make sure those desires are conformed to His will – and not try and conform His will to my desires.
The most difficult thing for me right now, emotionally, would be to go back to a “normal” middle class suburban life. You know the one with the 9-5 job, cute little wife, 2 kids, a dog; and a white picket fence. It would be the easiest financial choice, and the most common choice among those of my age and background.
I guess this reinforces the idea that I am not normal. I have been set apart by God for something special. God has something special for all of us. For me it just seems to be even more different than worldly standards.
Some of this has been brewing for a while. Some of it stems from the sad fact the best 2 friends I have made down here (Chris and Maria) are both going back to the United States before the end of May.
I have no idea how this all will look 6 months from now, when the time comes for me to leave this home and go back home. I have no idea what/where my next home will be after that. And you know what — I’m ok with that. I have a strange peace about it. I am confident God will provide more answers, and open the proper doors soon.

Well, thanks for letting me pour out my heart….feedback strongly encouraged….